Jeff Sessions High On Marijuana-Fighting Possibilities

Jeff Sessions, the Attorney General of the United States who has not even acknowledged requests to free the great Professor Huzzah from his not-so-great temporary residence, does not like marijuana.

He might feel this way because he is too broken inside to enjoy its effects. He also might think putting marijuana users in jail means it will be less likely that he’ll see someone on the street who he considers scary-looking. Maybe he’s being paid big bucks by Big Sobriety, which may or may not be a thing, but if it is a thing then it is definitely sending money to Jeff Sessions. Whatever the reason is, Attorney General Sessions appears to be quite excited about the likely omission of something called the Rorhabacher-Blumenauer Amendment from the upcoming budget legislation, and the reason why he’s excited is that keeping this long-named amendment out of the bill means he can make it much more difficult to sell and use marijuana legally.

This is rather stupid on Mr. Sessions’s part.

If he had any sense, WHICH HE OBVIOUSLY DOES NOT, he would not only support the legalization of marijuana but make its use mandatory in certain cases. Especially in the case of FBI agents.

Because although he might think he’s safe from investigation, the Mueller team is coming after him for his suspicious connections to Russia. Saying he doesn’t recall is rather unlikely to help. I know this from personal experience. When I was arrested a few years ago for trying to make a better life for myself, I told the judge and jury I didn’t remember unleashing illness and oranges upon the people before kidnapping a bunch of them. It hurt my pride immensely to feign stupidity, but it was the best chance I had, although with all the evidence against me it was not a good chance. If any incriminating evidence against Jeff Sessions exists, it will not be a good chance for him either.

The only chance he has is if he makes sure the people investigating the Trump Administration are high all the time. Then, even if they get close to figuring out solid proof of collusion, they will surely become distracted contemplating the meaning of life or the meaning of the mysterious discoloration in the carpet, which means they won’t get around to a conclusion meaning a lifetime of imprisonment for Jefferson Beauregard Sessions.

Since he is not thinking of that, and is thinking instead of trying to hurt people who are unlikely to hurt him, there will be very few huzzahs in Jeff Sessions’s future.

Except for when he says “I apologize, Professor Huzzah. I should have acknowledged your existence and listened to your advice.”

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